A bitter wind blew a seasonal greeting across the thatched roofs of Dewlip Lane. Upon the Frog and Radiator a sprinkle of frost coated the broken, buckled tiles. Outside Fekenham's favourite public house, Arthur Bentwhistle was adorning the windows with a series of lights.
Across the way, on the village green, Brigadier Largepiece, Elvis Linkthorpe, Mildred Pierce along with a host of other villagers were pulling and pushing the traditional tree into place. It was a huge Scandinavian fir, tall and sprightly.
A long trestle table had been set to one side of the green, just to the left of the cricket pavilion. Upon it was laid a large bowl filled with a liquid that steamed and fruit that bobbed upon its fragrant surface. Behind the table were Ethel Blowvalve, big and as blustery as the December winds, Ralph Ramhard, the tall, handsome American husband to Mildred Pierce and Delores Dewhip who had volunteered to help when she heard that Arthur needed a hand. (He needed a lot more than just her hand but it was a start.)
From the not so distant High Street a warm, brassy sound washed across the gathered village folk; it was the sound of the Salvation Army Band playing 'Oh, Come All Ye Faithful.' Upon hearing it Shazli Braganza-Smythe lifted his head and gave voice, albeit in a rather croaky way.
The bitter chill of a Fekenham winter finds the local folk band, Riddlers Drum, ensconced in a hastily erected pavilion on the village green next door to the cricket pavilion. There is Ruth Crabtree who sings and plays the fiddle, Ted Sandpip on Bodhrán, Neil Beefshanks on double bass Shazli Braganza-Smythe on sitar and Elvis Linkthorpe on his bansuri. Together they have gathered to send this festive greeting:
"Been looking for Santa everywhere
The Reindeers are at the Courvoisier
They should be here but still over there
Getting ready for Christmas!
The childrens faces have ignited red
There are no pressies under the bed
They turn to Mum and shout 'but you said'
Getting ready for Christmas!
The posties the only one with a sack
Filled with bills slung across his back
But gifts are the one thing that he lacks
Getting ready for Christmas!
The weather forecast wasn't nice
And the milkman didn't heed the advice
Now his bottles are all filled with ice
Getting ready for Christmas!
Mille Mead from her front window
Watches Ethel play in the snow
Who lands head first, legs akimbo
Getting ready for Christmas!
The Fekenham folk at work and play
Some down the pub, some in a sleigh
Know that Santa is on his way
Getting ready for Christmas!
Santa's at a loss at what to do
Blitzen is drunk and Donner too
Rudolph's head is down the loo
Getting ready for Christmas!
Like all things this song must end
Which all recipients may find a godsend
As words like these can drive you round the bend
HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS!
When it came to festivities of any kind or of any persuasion the folks of Fekenham always met the challenge and this Yuletide was no different. With hearts as large as football pitches and eyes bigger than their collective bellies, the people of Fekenham intended to make the very best of the season.
It is a wish that they, and I, extend to all the fans and readers of The Village Tales of Fekenham Swarberry.
So, from Arthur Bentwhistle, Elvis Linkthorpe, Millie Mead, Ethel Blowvalve, Mildred and Ralph Ramhard, Ted Sandpip, Rose Buckshot, Delores Dewhip, Nody and Elton Hamfist, Shazli Braganza-Smythe, Julie Twist and her son Billy….
HAPPY CHRISTMAS!
